Yay!! I might just survive!!

I'm finally able to breathe... My cold turned into a flu which turned into bronchitus which caused my asthma to flare up so I've been totally out of commission for the past few days. I am a really bad patient... there is only so much Tivo a girl can sit through without going crazy!

So today I woke up to a beautiful, California day and felt the urge to get out of the house. I put the top down and drove to a noon meeting (something I NEVER do, even though my friend Kate always bugs me to meet her there!). In walks my good friend Nick who I went through rehab with. I just gasped and said "I didn't know you go to this meeting!" to which he replied, "I don't!!". It turns out he was there to support a 'newbie' who has three days under his belt. The meeting was great, the new guy was really nice and afterwards we all went out to lunch and Nick paid! We talked for hours and sat in the sun and had such a nice time. It's amazing how you can wake up with no plans at all for your day and just through luck or fate or whatever you want to call it, you end up having something really special happen.

Maybe that's one of the great gifts of sobriety, that I have the clarity to see the little things in life that give me joy. I was passed out for most of the past several years and I'm pretty sure I missed some pretty important shit along the way.

In other news, I took the drug test/breath test so I can go back to work. It was sort of nice to be able to take one of those tests and not sweat the results. Now I'm going to have to meet with my 'big boss' and find out what she plans to do with me. Everyone at work knows what I've been through and I don't feel ashamed at all, in fact I plan to be very open about my experiences so that I might be able to help other people. I just wish I had been able to control the information. I'm really pissed at my boss that she let the information out but there is nothing I can do about it. It will all work out in the end so I'm not going to worry about it.

Yay!! Donovan wants to go out tonight so maybe I'll review a movie tomorrow!

Hugs!
Jen

Poor Poor Pitiful Me!

I should post a photo of what I look like today but I'm afraid that the sheer number of people being brought into the emergency room having ripped their eyes from the sockets will be traced back to me and those are medical bills I just can't cover!!

I am FINALLY getting over this stupid cold. I broke down and went into the Doctor yesterday (I hate doctors and double-double-hate-hate dentists!) Donovan got the same cold and bounced back in two days. I got sick last Saturday and am still miserable! There is no justice... Now that I'm beginning to feel better, the rain will start again.

I also can't find the food network on my tv...

I have a delivery of organic veggies wilting in front but can't be bothered to go get it...

I thought I lost my debit card and had the bank send me a new one then Donovan found it in the bed (and I still don't have the new one!!)...

The Girl Scouts are selling cookies... (This one should be GOOD, but I can eat a box of those somoas in like, 3 seconds! Plus they are so cute! It should be against the law to have so many cute kids trying to raise money outside the supermarket!)

Rogue (the 'killer' pit bull mix that I want to go through a service animal course with) will not stop trying to lick off my toes... It's like she knows I'm sick and she is trying to make me feel better. It would be fine if my toes weren't so ticklish!!

26000 teachers have gotten pink slips in Cali.... Where is their bailout?? I don't care how you feel about politics. These people are shaping the minds of the people who will be taking care of the world in the future. How is it possible that we think that they are expendable???? (alright, I know I cheated, this isn't really a 'pitiful me' thing but I am just so depressed about it)

Finally, I had a really crappy relapse prevention group Wednesday night. One guy showed up drunk, they breathalyzed him and sent him home. One girl showed up and made it most of the way through the meeting but once she spoke, it was obvious that she was messed up so they tested her (her thing is opiates) and kicked her out of the meeting. When I left she was still in with one of the therapists on the unit. Then two other people admitted that they had relapsed last week too. It was just depressing... PLUS I was sick so I got to sit there, being miserable and depressed and not get a lot out of the meeting. I didn't go to a meeting last night but I'm going to try and get to one tonight.

I'm probably some sort of typhoid Mary, bringing illness to an AA meeting near you soon!!

Alright, I feel better for having vented this. On a good note, I found out this afternoon you can self-publish through Amazon.com. There is no rejection slip or editors to worry about. You just go to the 'Book' section and then scroll down to the bottom of the page (after taking a peek at the Kindle 2 - drooool) and follow the 'Self-Publish With Us' link and yes you too could be a published author!!

I'm still resisting the whole e-book thing. Someone needs to make a waterproof one for me so that I can read in the tub - THEN we will talk.

Hugz all!

Jen

PS - follow me on Twitter! Geminiwench

It's so funny, yesterday was one of the best days I've had in years, and then I ended up being in one of the WORST meetings.... go figure...

I started the day at the Supreme Court building. There was a Prop 8 rally because the court was hearing testimony to over-rule the proposition. This is something I feel strongly about, even though I'm hetero. I think that everyone should be able to be married! There is nothing 'sacred' about the relationship between Donovan and I and our marriage is in no way 'threatened' by ANYONE getting married. In fact, there are plenty of 'regular' marriages that give marriage a bad name to begin with! The thing that I felt most strongly about the rally was that our side was all about love and equality and the other side (the marriage = 1 man & 1 woman side...) was just full of abuse! They were spouting how we were all going to hell and perverts and it was just ugly. The worst I heard from our side was a woman shouting "judge not lest you be judged (you idiots - said low enough that they couldn't hear on the other side - it was making me giggle).

Then I went and did the tourist thingy and rode the cablecars around. It's one of my favorite ways to get around San Francisco. I always learn something about the city or find some neat little place. It was a nice way to kill some time before the pie fight.

Then the pie fight!! It was soooo awesome! I was there alone and knew I had a meeting to go to so I couldn't participate but I had so much fun watching! (I even got just a bit of shaving cream on my sleeve for good measure! I couldn't go away COMPLETELY clean!) It felt so good to laugh as hard as I did. It seems like it's been ages since I felt human enough to laugh and really have a good time.

Then the meeting. I officially made my 30 days yesterday. I would have more but I had that unfortunate relapse 48 hours after leaving rehab (when I fuck something up, I do a good job!!). I wanted the group meeting to be the perfect end to the perfect day but I was just bored! Normally we talk about recovery and I get a little bit out of it but last night it was a bunch of talk about legal cases and construction work and I didn't even end up sharing. The funny thing about meetings, no matter if they are AA or continuing recovery, it seems like the ones you look forward to are the ones that are duds and the ones you don't want to go to are the ones you get the most out of... Story of my life!!

Hugz!

Jen

"This is the first mass cow suicide I've seen... in at least 8 months" - South Park

I love this show, there is just something right about waking up to Cartman saying "Ten dollah, sucky sucky?"

I declare shenanigans on today... My morning should consist of laundry and cleaning but I can't be motivated to do more than twittering and listening to Daft Punk (who are doing the Tron 2.0 soundtrack!!! YAY!!) Of course, listening to Daft Punk makes me want to move around my house, thereby making me WANT to get up and clean and thereby negating my initial desire to just sit and twit. Ahhh the sweet dilemma.

On another note, since I had to look up how to spell dilemma (I had some 'delema' thingy going, I am SUCH a bad speller!) I thought I might bring you the word of the day:

parry \PAR-ee\, verb, noun:1. to ward off; turn aside (as a thrust or weapon)
noun:1. the act of warding off
I am not saying the whole group's survival is at stake. But we have to act today if we are to parry the harder onslaught of our competitors tomorrow.-- Bernd Pischetsrieder

Sort of disappointing, I never look at the word of the day and then I get something like parry! Between my World of Warcraft and D&D games, I am well aware of the word parry and it's uses. Couldn't have been something like lachrymose or minatory...

Oh well, like I said, SHENANIGANS!! (Now, where is my broom???)

Hugz,
Jen

PS - do you twitter?? Follow me as Geminiwench

Ugggg, I finally have a pretty day of sunshine and then I have to spend it car shopping. I hate to car shop, even with vehix (which is REALLY helpful!). Load me with vehix and carfax and toss in a pinch of consumer reports and I almost don't need a test drive. Only problem is, we went to look at my dream car (a convertable bug!! I have always wanted a flower vase right on my dash!!) and it turns out that they listed it as an automatic and NOT the manual that it turned out to be...

I KNOW how to drive a manual transmission. My first car was a Yugo (I was paying for something from some past life with that one...) and I loved the freedom of a manual transmission when I lived in SOUTH DAKOTA. Now I live in Northern Cali, in the home of some of the worst traffic ever and I can't imagine having a manual transmission here!

So now I'm back to the start. Searching for a convertable (it HAS to be a convertable!) that I can drive, that get's pretty good gas mileage and seats at least 4. The miata is fun to drive but we really need something that we can take people in. I hate car shopping.

To top it off, I now have to run to relapse prevention, they will probably pick me to do the random UA because it has just been one of those days!!

Donovan, on the other hand, got to hang out at home and continues to do so... I went so wrong on my career path somewhere!!

Hugz!
Jen

PS - Do you twitter? Follow me, I'm Geminiwench!

First Post....

I added an app to my phone today called "Friends of Bill". For those of you who don't know, Bill is my friend. He hasn't been alive for decades and yet he's a friend of mine...

I'm an alcoholic in recovery and I have 16 official days of sobriety, at least that's what my phone says! I trust my phone to know because my brain doesn't function too well lately... I could have over 60 days but I had a bit of a hick-up after rehab. I'll talk more about it later.

For now, just know that I don't only plan to journal in this blog. I do need some sort of outlet for both my feelings and my creativity. Plus I have always wanted to expose all of my innermost feelings and thoughts to complete strangers!

Buckle-up, this is the year I not only get sober, but I also am turning 40 and thinking about going back to school, it should be a bumpy ride!

Jen

PS - do you twitter?? I'm Geminiwench on twitter - follow me!